I Can Fix Her
by Rae Wilde
Reviewed by Galen Strickland
Posted May 24, 2025
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I received an advance review copy of this novella from Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review. It will publish on June 3. It is not a debut book, even as by Rae Wilde. She has also published as Rae Knowles, but I'm not sure which, or if either, is her real name. As Wilde, another book published by a small press might already be out of print less than a year later, but it has a wonderful title, I Do Not Apologize for My Position on Men. Information on her is the same everywhere I search, the short form being, "Rae Wilde (she/her) is a queer woman and author of dark fiction who has published numerous works under the pen name Rae Knowles." Even though the author is a queer woman, and the two main characters are too, the story could work for any pair; a cis-het couple, gay men, or if one or both are trans or non-binary. It is about how one member of the couple wants things to be, while that might not be what the other wants or needs.
It could be considered fantasy, or horror, maybe only a nightmare, perhaps a waking hallucination. Written in second-person narrative form, it took a while for me to realize who is telling the story. Johnny and Alice had been a couple for a while, but I'm not sure how long. They have been apart for about six months, Alice being the one who walked away. She had been in Berlin for most of those six months I believe, then she returns. On a Monday night, Johnny sees her at the Speakeasy Cafe, maybe with another woman, she isn't sure. She approaches, and Alice engages, asking her to come back to her apartment. It is a different apartment than the one Johnny remembered. The story is told in eight short chapters, Monday thru the following Monday. Johnny and Alice have sex the first Monday night, when Alice has long, silvery hair. She also has a small dog named Lucy. Yet on Tuesday morning Alice's hair is cropped short and is a darker color. Lucy is now a giant bulldog.
That's when I started thinking this was a dream/nightmare sequence. There is no explanation for the changes, other than Alice saying, "Well, you wanted things to change, didn't you?" Other weird things happen. They had played a frequent game, "Wonder if…" Wonder if you won the lottery; wonder if we lived in a castle; wonder if we had a daughter. For the last one, Alice says she would like to teach their daughter archery, and pretends to have a bow, and when she fires the arrow, a hole appears in the wall. One day it is very hot, so the AC is on. The next day it snows, so to accommodate the change there is now a fireplace in the living room, when there was not one before. The day after, when the snow melts, waters rise until it seems the apartment building is under an ocean. Oh, one other change for Lucy. She becomes a three headed dragon and flies through the patio door. The hole in the wall gets larger, at one point large enough for Johnny to walk into it. The narrator keeps mentioning they are outside, on the platform of a billboard, trying to get Johnny's attention, but something always blocks the view. I won't mention what happens when Brynne, the woman Alice had been with at Speakeasy, comes by for a visit, other than it ends in tragedy.
Lucy is not the only one who transforms. After Johnny [redacted], Alice grows wings, starts to fly away, but Johnny hangs on. The apartment starts to disintegrate, and they are in a starry void. Johnny had frequently wanted her and Alice to be alone, the only people in the world, the only things in the world. But Alice escapes her grasp and flys away. Johnny sees Alice's phone floating nearby (hers had died and she didn't have the charger), and someone is calling. Johnny thinks she should recognize the number, had seen that number recurring in different places, such as the digital clock on Alice's stove. She is finally able to unlock Alice's phone and answers it…It is then Sunday. Johnny finds herself in a secluded, park-like area. She is not alone…or is she? Another way this could be considered horror is if Johnny has a split personality, ŕ la Jekyll and Hyde. One side of her psyche has been the narrator, the one who has been trying to call the other half, trying to send messages while outside Alice's apartment from the billboard across the street. The Monday-Sunday scenario has apparently repeated multiple times, but each time the different aspects of Johnny switch for the next round of seeing Alice at Speakeasy, going home with her, time and time again. It is possible that Alice needs to change, but Johnny is the one who needs to fix herself, and even if Alice needs to be fixed, it is not Johnny who should decide how. Will Johnny ever choose not to go through that door and repeat the scenario? If she doesn't, it seems clear she is a masochist, enjoying the pain for repeated rejections.
It doesn't matter if the story doesn't make sense, even at the end, without a clear-cut resolution. I can still recommend it, especially if you like a narrative that is mostly a kaleidoscopic fever dream. It is full of heartache and pain, sometimes literally if the actions are genuine, but there is also a smidgen of hope. Hope that Johnny will be able to fix herself. Even if it is only for herself, and doesn't include Alice.
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