Reviewed by Ogre3000
Welp, did you like Spiderman? X-Men & X-2? Even Daredevil with it's flaws? Welp, sadly, True Believers, The Hulk falls short. The Hulk looked fine to me, CGI or not, the SFX were great, the action (when there was some) was intense but..... man, you really had to work for your Hulk movie fix...
Okay, the review: The Hulk opens with a seemingly endless montage of flashes of Banner's father experimenting with animals for developing a super-soldier gene for the US Army. And of course, like all movie scientists, he runs out of animals and wants human trials for his experiments, but they say no. And so of course, he begins to shoot up with his formulas and nothing really happens....except he believes the effects were on his baby son, Bruce. Then the military finds out, cans him and it looks like he fires off a nuke to teach them a lesson I guess, they were unclear about that though they say he gets 30 years in prison. And there's a big trauma responsible for Bruce becoming the Hulk connected with his mother and father, but we don't learn the full truth till the end.
And then, we reach today, Bruce, not knowing that his real name was Banner, works for an R&D company trying to develop a healing gene, that of course, the Army and other companies want to make big bucks and have guess what? Super-soldiers! And finally (!) there is an accident and Bruce gets zapped by gamma radiation. And slowly, very slowly, he begins to show signs of becoming more then human (I mean slowly, the Hulk is only seen in dreams or foreshadows and doesn't make an appearance for 45 minutes to an hour!!!).
Welp, finally Bruce has a freak-out moment, wrecks the lab with his father, David (Nick Nolte, Good Lord, just damned scary what can happen to people in Hollywood) posing as the new janitor, a witness. The Hulk remembers something nasty about his pop and jumps though the roof and makes it home somehow. And he is found by his ex-girlfriend Betty and later, General "Thunderbolt" Ross figures out something is funky about Banner and has him put under house arrest. Bruce told Betty about his dad showing up and she sneaks away and visits him (David Banner that is) in a really creepy moment. And he steals her scarf for ominous reasons as we will see. Welp, the bad guy, Talbot (who has been trying to buy or corporate raid Bruce and Betty's company labs) shows up, pisses Banner off and finally, MORE HULK! He smashes his way out, takes out the agents and does the patented Hulk jumps off to find Betty.
And we find our heroine up in a cabin in the woods, where she and Bruce used to go. And she gets a call and it's creepy David telling her, she will receive a visit from some creatures he has sent (he had 3 dogs when he showed up and bingo, they are turned into BIG NASTY MUTANTS!). But, the Hulk finds her first and then during a serene, calm moment, they are attacked by the big mutated dogs in a pretty damned good action sequence. And after it's over, the two rest but......... Betty finks on him and *poink!* before you can say tranq dart, Bruce is captured and taken to the top secret base that General Ross runs.
And they keep him deep, deep in the bowels and guess who shows up? Talbot. And he wants some DNA samples from the Hulk and tries to make him change. But Bruce controls his anger, so they put in machine (looked a bit like the one from the TV series) and work on his subconscious. And then Bingo! Another Hulk-out finally and lots of mayhem! The Hulk escapes, a minor tank battle, some great Hulk vs. aircraft and some destruction in San Francisco. Welp, that's as far as I go, I don't like giving the whole movie away.
But......... as a Hulk fan for some time I can say I was disappointed. A lot of talking, set up after set up that takes so long and only like 5 major actions scenes. And the part that really upset and actually offended me was that again, we have to find a reason for the Hulk to exist, for his creation. Nope, just can't have the real original story, there must be a story behind the story that is tedious and not needed. When I think Hulk, I think of huge adventures, action, destruction and some really wild stories. Not, psychology and how Bruce was damaged as a child and has repressed memories and that created The Hulk. It was a gamma bomb, Bruce Banner was irradiated and he became the Hulk when enraged and how the hell can you mess that story up?!
And I hate to say it, but.... if you enjoyed The Hulk comics, the cartoons, the TV series & the novels, I can't recommend this movie unless you maybe see it at a dollar theatre. I will probably not see it again nor buy the DVD. Get the current comics by Bruce Jones and stay home, read those instead...
Till next time,
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